It’s Ok Not To Be Ok

A real personal blog post here, which hopefully you will take a lot from.

The last 6 months have been tough, REALLY tough. As a family we have gone through some of the most incredibly hard times, these include:

  • My wife going in for a routine operation which went wrong and has left her with severe nerve damage.
  • My 10 year old son being assessed for learning difficulties and dyspraxia (All during his SATS year)
  • My health deteriorating resulting in being referred to the eye specialist for glaucoma
  • My wife’s father being hospitalised twice with scepsis and having his own massive health concerns after suffering a stroke.
  • Being forced into a house move due to subsidence which is being dragged out.

These are just a few of the things we’ve had to contend with but I am a motivational speaker, I am in complete control of my feelings and my thoughts… My wife looks at me as her rock, the stability the family crave in rough times.  I am ALWAYS there for them and ALWAYS THE POSITIVE ONE.

Today though, for 5 minutes my persona slipped. I was found out – I am a FRAUD!!

Today was bikeability in my eldest son’s school. I mentioned earlier that he has dyspraxia and has only just mastered how to ride a bike straight for a couple of metres.  Now they are taking his class out on the roads. I dropped both my boys off at school this morning, as normal but whilst making my way back to the car through the playground, my son’s class were already out with their bikes.

I instantly clocked my son Ben who was with a teaching assistant putting his helmet on. I walked over to him, gave him a quick hug, said “Have fun” and slowly walked away.  As I did, I could see he was struggling balancing on the bike even before he even moved off.  He looked up at the assistant and said “Miss, I really am not that confident – I’M STRUGGLING”, That was it, I ran to the car and sobbed my heart out. By the time I got back home and saw my wife I was still sobbing.

All the stress of the last 6 months had weighed too heavy on my shoulders, taken its toll and I finally collapsed. But here’s the thing;

  • the collapse lasted just over 10 minutes.
  • 10 minutes and I was laser focused again.
  • 10 minutes and I knew exactly what I had to do for my son and for the family moving forward.

That is the difference: Yes, it is OK not too be OK, as long as you do not stay in that state for too long. We all need to get things off our chests, we all need to cry and let emotion take over but it is dangerous too allow that state to take control of your mind.

It is exactly this ability to cry it out and let go almost instantly that has seen me survive death threats, bullying, homelessness and turn the situation into a positive future for myself.  I would not be able to talk about my experiences and inspire others to let go if I did not do the same.  So earlier I mentioned I was a FRAUD. I am not a FRAUD, I am ME, yet society tells us we should be this person or that person, they pigeon hole us all.

Men are the bread winners, the strong ones. Crying is WEAKNESS, the Brits are famed for their stiff upper lip.  This is all NOISE people, don’t listen to these types AS they will not serve you.

REMEMBER: It is important to look after yourself on an emotional level. Life is tough but it’s through these tough times that we come out the other side as a stronger person. But we have to be allowed to grieve, to cry, to scream and to allow more room in our hearts and minds to grow.